Strange Relationships
by miasnape
Summary: ON SEMIPERMENANT HIATUS DO NOT EXPECT UPDATES SOON Sirius Black is not a nice man. Severus knows, but is it too late for Harry? SLASH HPSS
1. Chapter 1

Strange Relationships 

Following applies to all chapters.

Disclaimer – Not my characters, otherwise would not be under Fan Fiction, no?

Rating – R, right from the start

Pairing – SS/HP

Warnings – slash, graphic rape/non-con, violence, Sirius Black bashing!

Genre – hurt/comfort, angst

Summary – Sirius Black is not a nice man, but Harry doesn't figure that out until it's too late.

Mia - Okay, my angst muses got a little outta control here, and decided that poor Harry and Sev needed yet another obstacle to overcome.  But since they _are_ Harry and Sev, I forgive them.

Severus – How kind.  One would almost think your altruism was an inherent characteristic.

Harry – Shut up and get on with the story – they want to see whether it's worth reading or not.

Severus – Oh, no need, I can honestly say now that it is not.

Mia *sulks in corner*

Harry – Now look what you've done!  Just tell them what the chapter's called.

Severus – Fine.  Chapter one – Black Deeds.

**1.**

****

Sirius Black wasn't a nice man – how could he have been after all those years in Azkaban?

What made him _dangerous_, though, was that he knew how to hide it.  He knew, that is, until the day that his anger took over and he let the world know that maybe, once, he had been innocent, but he certainly hadn't stayed that way.  From his third year and the offer of a home, Harry had trusted him implicitly and so did his two closest friends, and that turned out to be a great mistake.

Sirius was padding around Hogwarts castle as Snuffles.  Something strange compelled him down into the lower levels of the castle, and just as he turned a corner he saw his godson and Snape standing, talking.

He stopped and watched from the shadows.  Since they had all worked together to defeat Voldemort, that wasn't all that unusual – many times even he had had to talk to Snape.  Sirius, however, watched all the things that _were_ wrong with this scene.  One – *his Harry [A/N *Sirius is mentally unbalanced and believes that Harry belongs to him because he is his godfather] was talking to, not sniping at, Snape.  Two – Snape was talking to, not sniping at, his Harry.  Three – They were alone and neither seemed to mind.  Four – Snape had just reached out a hand and stroked his Harry's cheek gently, and his Harry had leaned into the touch, smiling.

Sirius felt his blood boil, but he wasn't, as one might suspect, angry with Snape.  No, he was angry with his Harry.  His Harry was _his_ godson.  James had given his son to him – he had named him responsible for his Harry.  His Harry was supposed to be his and only _his_.  And now his Harry was snuggling up to his nemesis without thought for how it would make _him_ feel.

His eyes narrowed and he padded a little closer, using his sensitive canine ears pick up the conversation without having to alert the two to his presence.

"…See Dumbledore then.  I'm going to Hagrid's now, though – he asked me to promise to feed Fang while he was away.  I'll see you tonight, Sev?"

"Tonight, Harry.  Goodbye."

"Bye, Sev.  Love you."

And then they had kissed, rather passionately, and Sirius had seen red.  He waited until Snape had gone into his office, reiterating his Harry's expression of love, and then followed his godson up out of the dungeons and into the school grounds.  He waited until his Harry was opening the door to the little wooden hut and then pounced on him.

Harry smiled and shook him off to close the door, but as soon as he had and turned around to say "Sirius!" with a happy little smile on his face, Sirius as Snuffles pounced again, violently, knocking Harry's head off the door and using his muscles and weight to keep Harry down.

"Sirius?  What…Sirius, you're hurting me – get off!"

Harry now looked incredibly scared and his voice was getting shriller.

"Sirius, get off!  Stop it!  Sirius, stop-!  You're hurting me!"

Positioning his limbs, Sirius turned back to his human form and Harry found himself being held down, arms pinned above his head in one hand and legs numbing from Sirius' dead weight.  He struggled but couldn't get loose – pure adrenaline and rage was coursing through the older man's veins, giving him more strength than usual.

"_I'm_ hurting _you_?  Hah!  What do you think you're doing to me, running around with Snape?" he spat out.

Harry's eyes widened.

"That's right, I saw you!  You think you can love someone else?  You think I'll let you go to someone else?  You're _mine_!  Your father gave you to me incase something happened to him, and something did, so you're mine, and you aren't allowed to be anyone else's."

And then Sirius had ripped at Harry's shirt with his free hand and stuffed a strip of material as a wad in Harry's mouth, so far that Harry felt like he was going to throw up.  He only didn't because he knew that he would choke on his own vomit.  He couldn't help but shake uncontrollably though, and he broke out in a cold sweat as Sirius ripped another strip off his shirt and tied his hands together with it.  His arms had been twisted together in a way that was not only painful, but that made it impossible to move them.  He struggled to breathe through his nose as Sirius pulled his jeans and underwear down and off and then threw him onto his stomach roughly, and his skin crawled uncomfortably.  As Sirius pushed one finger up into him in a mockery of care for Harry's well being, Harry's mind blanked.

He was aware of everything – hyper sensitive, truth be told – and all the sensation was blocking off any response he might have had; any thoughts that would normally have run through his brain.  So he blanked.

He was aware of the burning and pain that happened when Sirius' dry fingers bruised and grazed him inside; aware of the small scratches that the sharp fingernails made as they thrust inside him; aware of Sirius shoving himself in roughly and shouting 'mine' in a hoarse voice every time he thrust into Harry.  He was aware of the pain of the bruising grip Sirius had on his hips and the feeling of being torn in two where he didn't feel numb. He was aware that he was bleeding, both from down there and from his head.  He was aware that from outside, Fang was howling.

He was aware that the cotton from his shirt was rubbing at his wrists, tearing at the skin.  He was aware of the many fibres that came loose in his mouth and itched, begging to be removed.  He was aware of the nails in the wooden floor scraping at his bare stomach where no fabric covered it and the grain of the wood constantly scrubbing at him as he moved up and down and up and down.  He was aware that his nose was bleeding now, after having hit the floor and been dragged to and fro.

He was aware of all these things, but he hadn't a clue what they meant to him just yet.

When Sirius shouted out one last time and came, Harry felt that the liquid burnt him, and when it ran out and down his thighs as Sirius pulled out, he was aware of every cell it passed over.  Then Sirius had flipped him over, backhanded him twice and kicked him in the ribs several times as he pulled his own trousers up.

"You little slut," he whispered, "As if I would ever want you now – you're sullied; dirty and tainted.  Snape will never want you again either – no one ever will.  All you do is bring pain and misery, and everyone will leave you when they realise it until you have no one left.  And you'll deserve every bit of it, you tramp.  Your mother and father were too good for you, just like they were too good for Peter.  You're just disgusting."

He had kicked him once more and then opened the door, not bothering to move Harry out of the way, leaving a trail of blood from Harry's head and nose as he shoved the weight behind the door.  He turned once, spat on Harry and then grabbed the handle to the door.

"Complete waste of a life."

He slammed it, making the hut shake, then turned into Snuffles and ran away in the direction of the forbidden Forest; away from the crime he had committed without thinking he had committed a crime at all; only thinking that he had taken what was his to take.  He knew he wouldn't be back anywhere near Harry, but not for the reasons any other rapist might have feared to – he just honestly thought that Harry had outlived his use.

Back in the hut, Harry tried to use his tongue to push the fabric from his mouth, but to no avail – his mouth ached with the effort and the sides of his lips chaffed.  Unable even to sob in fear of his life, he let silent tears run down his face, feeling it mingle with the blood, spittle and dirt.  He lay there for a few minutes that felt like hours before passing into blessed unconsciousness.

*


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

****

Up at the school Hermione and Ron were in the library, studying.  Surprisingly it was Hermione who banged her book shut first, earning a glare from Madam Pince.

"Let's go out and see if Harry wants company walking Fang."

Ron grinned, not even making sarcastic comments in fear of changing her mind and jumped up, gathering their things together at light speed and grabbing Hermione to drag her from the stuffy library.

They walked across the grounds, chatting and laughing.

"Hey, Mione, is that Snuffles?  Didn't know he was back."

"Neither did I.  Wonder if Harry saw him – he seems to be going from Hagrid's hut."

"Well, we can ask Harry what he had to say."

However when they got near to the hut they began to feel…ominous.

"Something's wrong."

"You feel it?"

"Yeah…something bad happened."

"Let's go 'round the back way; we can check on the pumpkins anyway."

They walked around the little house in silence.  The pumpkins were fine, Hermione absently noted.

They got to the back door and found Fang still tied up there.  When he saw the two friends he began to whine and scratch at the door.  Ron untied the dog incase they needed him and cautiously opened the door, making sure to keep Hermione behind him.  He looked in and choked at what he saw.

Harry lay there on his back in a pool of blood and semen, arms still tied together, jeans and underwear still off, now covered in dried semen in a pattern that indicated someone had wiped their hands on it.  A blob of what could only be spittle ran down his face and dripped on the floor steadily.  He was still gagged.

The tear tracks over his face were apparent, and although his chest moved slightly, he was obviously unconscious.  His shirt, torn and dirtied – barely a rag anymore – was crumpled up around his chest, and the bruises where Sirius had held him were purpling and yellowing at the edges.  He had a black eye and scratches over his face and torso.  His nose was broken and bloodied and his hair matted together with a combination of everything that covered him.  The smell was stomach churning; a mixture of blood, sex and dog.

Hermione was screaming and Ron would have were he not voiceless.  Fang sat at their feet and whined guiltily as though feeling it reprehensible not to have saved his master's young friend even though he had been tied up and as helpless to stop it as Harry had been.

"Mione!  MIONE!"

Hermione stopped screaming as Ron gently shook her, and focused her attention on her other friend.

"Go get Madam Pomfrey – send her down here and then get Dumbledore…"

He looked at Harry.

"I guess you'd better get Snape as well."

Hermione looked at him, obviously torn between staying and helping hands-on and doing as asked.  Ron pressed Fang's lead into her hand.

"Go fast and take Fang incase the person is still out there.  Go now – it's the best you can do for him – I'll help Harry here best I can and you go bring proper help."

Hermione took one last glance at Harry, gagged, and then bolted, tears in her eyes, up to the school, running so fast that Fang had a time trying to keep up.

She reached the school doors and stopped for a moment to let go of Fang, who wasn't allowed in further than the entrance hall by order of Hagrid, and to decide which direction to go in first.  It was then that Snape appeared, making her mind up for hern.  He took one look at the girl and knew something was up.

"Miss Granger, what happened?"

She looked up, obviously startled, and then broke down.

"It…it's Harry…he went to…to Hagrid's…to…to…to…"

"To feed Hagrid's mutt, yes he told me.  What happened?"

"We were studying in the library, me and Ron, but I just…I don't know, but anyway, so went to see…to see if we could…could help him and he…he…he…"

She stopped talking in order to get control over her breathing and crying.

"Someone…attacked him.  I need to get Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore and…"

Snape looked devastated.

"Hermione…"

That got her attention – despite being her best friend's boyfriend he never called her by her first name.

"…Attacked how, exactly?  What state is he in?"

Hermione winced.

"Sir, I think…I think he might have been…"

She trailed off for a moment, sobbing, and then finally finished in a soft, whispery voice.

"He was beaten and raped."

Snape looked stricken, then determined if still upset.

"Get Poppy and Albus.  Tell them I'm already on my way there.  Tell them what happened and tell them I don't have any potions on me."

And then he sprinted out of the castle towards Hagrid's hut, leaving Hermione standing stock still for a moment before registering what he had said and bolting off through the castle again.

*

Ron stared after Hermione for a second and then turned his attention back to Harry.  Nothing had changed, however much he wanted it to have.

He went over, despite his desire to bolt with Hermione and forget all about what he could see, and took the cloth out of Harry's mouth.  He had to tug gently to get it away from the dry skin in Harry's mouth, and winced when it made a strange ripping noise on finally coming out.  He saw his friend take a shuddering breath and then breathe more easily through his mouth without waking, the blood on his nose no longer bubbling with every strained breath.

He untied the knot around Harry's wrist and brought the limp arms down carefully to Harry's sides, rotating them slightly to make sure he didn't accidentally pull Harry's muscles and make him even worse off.

He didn't think he could dress Harry again, but he didn't want the world and his wife to see the obvious signs of Harry's rape, so he pulled the comforter off Hagrid's bed and gently threw it over him.  Then he grabbed a cushion and lifted Harry's head.  He felt a bump and when he lifted one hand away was horrified to find it covered in blood.

He put the pillow under his friend's head and then heard heavy footsteps approaching.  He noticed Harry's proximity to the door and realised that were someone to throw the door open they would hit Harry round the head, so he opened it a little and saw Snape pelting towards him, full speed, looking like a bat with all the sweeping of his black robes.  For all that he personally disliked the man, Ron knew that for some reason with Harry he had found love, and would be devastated to see Harry like this.  He was only glad that he would be spared the full picture of Harry's degradation.

Snape slipped in through the gap of the door and on his first sight of Harry, he chocked back a sob.

Were it not for the blood and dirt he would have thought Harry was sleeping peacefully.  He knelt beside his love, as uncaring of the mess on the floor surrounding him as Ron had been, and gently put out a shaking hand to stroke Harry's matted hair.  Harry snuffled a little, and then sighed in his sleep-like state – not a peaceful sigh, but not a bad sigh either – neutral.  Snape turned to Ron.

"What did you see – do you know who did this?"

Ron cast his mind back, and for some reason he kept picturing a big black dog.  He thought at first it was just because of Fang, but then he remembered seeing Snuffles pelting away from the hut and gasped, eyes widened and face paler even than before.

"What!  Who, Mister Weasley?"

"I…we were walking up and we…we saw Snuffles.  He was running away from here and we thought he'd just been talking to Harry…"

Thunderclouds couldn't have matched the fury in Snape' eyes.  He cast a glance around the room, taking in the strips of soiled material and jeans and underwear and blood.

"He was definitely…?" 

"Yes."

Not wanting to, but unable to think of anything else he could do to confirm it, he pulled the comforter back and his heart sank as he saw the mess of dried blood and semen and cuts and bruises.  He pulled it back up and then moved to beside his partner's head.  He gently took hold of one of Harry's arms and noticed the bondage marks.

"What…he was tied?" he asked, gently stroking just above mark with his thumb.

"His wrists – his arms were twisted above his head and he had that…"

He gestured to the half dry, half damp gag material, still wadded a little way away, with his foot.

"He had that stuffed in his mouth."

Snape noticed for the first time the red, raw marks at the side of Harry's mouth.

"I took them off and pulled the comforter over him – put the pillow under his head.  He has a bump there, too."

He showed Snape his bloody hands.  Snape nodded, held Ron's eyes and said, "Thank you, Mister Weasley."

Then his gaze returned to Harry.  He didn't notice the single tear running down his face.  Ron did, but didn't mention it.

*


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

****

Hermione got to the infirmary in record time and threw the door open.  Madam Pomfrey looked up, about to scold, but when she saw Hermione she just stood, looking concerned.

"Miss Granger – are you hurt?"

Hermione stood hunched and breathed deeply for a few moments, then gathered her reserve strength to tell her story again.

"No, it's Harry.  He was in Hagrid's hut to feed and walk Fang and we, I mean, Ron and I, we went down to walk with him, but when we got there he was unconscious.  Madam, I think, no, I know – he was raped, and hurt pretty bad besides.  He's in bad shape and Professor Snape is on his way, but he said to tell you he doesn't have any potions on him.  I'm to go get the headmaster too."

She said all of this very fast and it was a moment before Madam Pomfrey's brain caught up.

She went around the room, collecting bottles and phials asking things like, "is he bleeding?" "Any other injuries?" and, "Is he alert?"

When she finished, she excused Hermione to get the headmaster.

"Tell him not to come down, but to come straight here – Severus, Mister Weasley and I should be enough to get him healed and up here."

Then she ran down to Hagrid's hut.  When she arrived she wasn't surprised to see Severus sitting, offering comfort to the unconscious boy – their relationship was common knowledge among Hogwarts' staff.  After having been told the state of the boy, she didn't waste time being flustered – she got straight to the healing.

She pulled the blanket off and held back a gasp – even having known, it was pretty brutal.  She cast a special spell used on unconscious rape victims to help them reacclimatize more quickly.  It by no means made them overcome their issues immediately nor completely, but acted as a kind of gradually building calming spell to buffer what had happened for a while – gave a softer edge to the immediate time after they came around.

"Enervate."

Harry started awake, eyes flickering around desperately.  He coughed dryly, and just as his eyes landed on Severus the tears came again.  When he tried to speak, his voice came out arid and hoarse.

"Severus!"

"Shh, Harry, it's okay, everything will be okay."

Severus stroked Harry's bruised cheek lightly and Harry put up a hand to grab it and hold on tightly.

"I'm so sorry."

"Shh, you've nothing to be sorry about, love."

"He said…he said you'd never want me again.  He said no one would ever want me."

Severus was heartbroken, though he tried not to show it.

"Of course I want you – I love you, Harry.  I love you."

Harry cried brokenly in relief, now able to sob, however much it hurt his chest to do so.  Severus sat down properly rather than kneeling, and lifted Harry gently so that his head rested against his chest, rocking ever so slightly from side to side.

"Shh, now, baby, shh.  I love you, baby, and it'll all be okay."

Had Harry been properly alert he might have wondered at Severus using his private pet name for him in front of people, but considering the circumstances he just found it comforting.

"Madam Pomfrey is going to help you, and then we're going to get you back up to the castle.  You're safe now, baby, he'll never be near you again."

Madam Pomfrey looked up from her collection of phials.

"You know who it was?"

Severus looked vitriolic.

"We have a fair idea."

Madam Pomfrey looked at the young man and wondered who would ever do that to him.  She didn't comment, though – that would be up to Albus and the Ministry.  Her job was to fix him back up.

"Harry, I need you to drink some things, can you do that?"

Harry nodded and soon, with Poppy and Severus' help, he was drinking down healing solutions of all kinds.  Ron was cleaning the hut so that Hagrid wouldn't have to come back to mess when he returned from France, and giving sad looks in his friend's direction every so often.

With the first phial the pain disappeared completely, and then he felt some discomfort as his ribs healed.  The bruises and small scratches faded and then with help of an incantation by Pomfrey, the scratches disappeared completely.  Another and his broken nose was fixed – Madam Pomfrey exclaiming that she was surprised he could breathe at all.  The mess on him was washed off with warm water as cleaning charms couldn't be used on people or animals, and he was given a lot of water to drink, which helped his throat a little.  He didn't say anything – just listened to Severus' comforting voice and did as he was told; the spell Pomfrey had cast was doing its job.

Wrapped back up in the comforter and Severus' arms, he was carried up to the infirmary by the quickest but least well-known route, and they didn't see anyone else, much to their relief.  They did, however, hear Professor Dumbledore's magically enhanced voice speak, reminding them all of Harry and Ron's second year at the school.

"All students will return to their house area.  Heads of house will ensure that all students are safely in their respective common rooms and prefects will ensure that they remain there until further notice.  Professor Sinistra will please act in place of Professor Snape.  All members of staff will then proceed to the staff room with no exceptions.  Thank you."

*


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

****

As the trio arrived at the hospital wing, Hermione and Dumbledore directed them to a bed and soon a pyjama-ed Harry was ensconced in the clean, starched white linen of Hogwarts' hospital wing.  The curtains were drawn around the bed and Harry gripped Severus' hand tighter than a woman in labour.  Madam Pomfrey was gone to look some things up about the after-effects of rape, but the rest remained.

Dumbledore looked concerned – Hermione had come to the same conclusion as Ron about the attacker and shared her suspicion with the headmaster.

"Harry, I hate to ask, but we need to know to help stop this from happening to others.  Harry, who did this to you?"

Harry looked Severus in the eyes despite his fear.

"Sirius…it was Sirius."

Severus looked as though he would explode at the merest friction.

"I'll kill him," he stated, quietly, assuredly.

"No!  No, Sev – he's not worth it.  Please – I won't lose you because of him, please, Severus, please, no, don't.  Send him to Azkaban."

Severus hung his head for a moment and was silent, weighing the circumstance in his head.

"Okay, Harry – I won't kill him.  I can't promise not to inflict serious pain on him if I see him, but I won't do anything illegal.  You won't loose me."

"Don't ever leave me."

"I won't."

"He said you would leave me.  He said everyone would leave me.  He said all I brought was misery and pain."

"You aren't to believe him," came firmly from Ron.

"Yes, Harry – you gave us friendship and love – nothing bad," said Hermione.

Dumbledore asked his second and final question.

"Harry, do you know what…provoked him?"

Harry looked away from Severus and let go of his hand, turning away from his love as he remembered.  He felt…dirty, inside and out.  He had cheated on Severus, even if he hadn't wanted to.  Sirius was right – he was a disgusting slut.

"He saw me…and Severus.  He told me that I was his – that I wasn't allowed to love anyone else because I was hurting him.  He said…he said I was his…"

There was a moment's silence as Harry took a few shuddering breathes and then turned back to Severus, pain in his eyes.

"He said I was dirty – said I was a slut.  He said you wouldn't want me."

Severus tried to console Harry.

"No, Harry, you know that's not true."

"BUT IT IS!" Harry yelled, throat almost giving out halfway through.  He began to sob again.

"So true…not worthy of you.  Dirty, disgusting slut.  Waste of a life."

Severus watched on as he cried, helpless – he hadn't a clue what to do.  Hermione was just crying and Ron and Dumbledore watched the scene in anguish.

"Harry," Severus tried, "Harry, I love you – I'll never leave you, never."

There was no response.

"You didn't do this, Harry.  Black did.  He is a madman – he's not sane."

There was still nothing, though Harry's breathing got more guttural.

"Harry, I'll always want you – you're perfect to me, even now – especially now.  You're beautiful and perfect and I'll always love you and want you, no matter what.  You had no control over this, and I love you even more for surviving it.  You didn't do this – you had no say and I know you would never of your own accord, because I love you and I trust you, with all my heart."

Harry turned back and saw the sincerity in Severus' eyes.  He began sobbing again and Severus stroked his hand gently trying not to scare the boy, until Harry pulled him into a severe hug and he reciprocated, scared by how close he had come to losing Harry today.

"Never leave me."

"Never, Harry."

"I love you so much, Severus.  I'm so sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby.  Shh, now, get some rest."

"You'll not leave?"

"No, love.  I'll be here."

"What if he comes back?"

Severus' grip on Harry tightened.

"No, you're safe here.  If he sets foot in the castle, we'll get him and give him to the Ministry."

"He won't get me?"

"No."

"He said I was his…he kept telling me I was his, but I'm yours."

He pulled back and looked at his lover.

"I'm yours?" he asked in a soft, unsure voice.

"Yes, Harry, for as long as you want.  And I'm yours."

"I'm tired."

"You rest now, baby.  Shh, go to sleep.  I'll be here."

Harry closed his eyes as Severus sat back in the chair, hand still caught in his grip.  His eyes flickered open one more time.

"Love you, Sev."

"Always, Harry."

With another neutral sigh, Harry went to sleep, tear tracks still visible on his face.

Using his free hand, Severus ran his fingers through his hair and pressed between his eyes with his palm, trying to fight off a headache.  Then he remembered that there were others in the room/curtained cubicle thingy.

Speaking quietly but lethally, he addressed the headmaster.

"You will get him and you will not give him _any_ more chances.  You will get him, because I can't.  You will _get_ him, and you will do your worst."

Albus nodded soberly and with one last, sad glance at Harry, left the room to inform the Ministry and other staff members of the tragic events of the afternoon.

Hermione was still sobbing, more quietly now, and Ron was ashen and shivering slightly.

"Professor?"

Severus looked up at the soft address.

"Professor, if we…I mean, anything he needs, just…just tell me and I'll get it."

"Thank you, Mister Weasley."

"He needs you here, so if _you_ need anything, either…we'll get it."

"Yes, Mister…Ronald, thank you."

He looked from the young man to the sobbing girl.

"Hermione."

Hermione looked up, face red and wet with her tears.

"Hermione, there was nothing more anyone could do.  You did everything possible.  Thank you both, on Harry's and my own behalf."

Hermione looked distraught.

"But, Professor, he just…just walked straight up to him and…and did that.  There was nothing to stop him, _nothing_!  And we all believed him!  We all thought that, that he was okay and that he loved Harry."

Severus looked at Harry.

"I'm afraid even I was taken in by that.  I didn't trust him with anything else, but I always thought that I could trust him with Harry.  Seems I was wrong yet again.  We all were."

"But, if only I had-"

Severus shook his head and cut her off.

"Don't play the 'if' game.  What is done is done and all we can do is try to make things better.  You should go now that he's asleep – see Madam Pomfrey for your shock.  You as well, Ronald."

"Please, it's Ron, sir."

"Very well, but go.  You may come back when she's finished with you, but one seventh year in the infirmary due to this is enough."

"Yes, sir."

Ron took Hermione by the shoulders and led her out of the curtained cubicle and out of Severus' sight.  When they disappeared, Severus put up a quick silencing spell and allowed himself to do what he had wanted to do since he saw Harry this afternoon.  He sobbed, heart wrenching sobs that made him feel nauseous and made his chest and head ache.

Why had this happened?  Everything had just been beginning to go well - he had found Harry and they had defeated Voldemort and the faculty and important people to them knew about their relationship and things were settling down into a steady pattern.  Severus had thought that the next disruption they would have would be at best Harry graduating and at worst the rest of the world finding out about them.

He cursed himself for not having seen this coming and then cursed himself for cursing himself, knowing that for him to blame himself was to blame everyone, including Harry.

No, the only person to blame for this was that bastard, Sirius Black.

"Fuck him," Severus said, in a soft voice, then realising he wouldn't disturb Harry, he it control him, stood, and screamed as loud as his lung capacity would let him.

"Fucking sick bastard!  Fuck you, Black!  Can't you let me keep one thing without hurting it?  Can't you just leave me?  Can't you leave Harry?  Fuck you!"

Throat sore, head aching, he slipped unnoticed past Mediwitch and patients and into the store of medical potions to get a painkiller.  On his way back, however, he was accosted by Madam Pomfrey.

"Severus, you sent Mister Weasley and Miss Granger to me in case of shock.  Now I want to examine you."

"I'm not in shock, I'm just angry."

"Severus, please?"

Severus sighed and plonked himself down on a bed, furtively looking at Harry's curtains.

"But be quick about it."

"His friends are with him and he's asleep now.  This won't take long."

She checked him over for signs of shock, pronounced him fine, made him drink a calming potion anyway and let him get back to Harry.

*


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

****

Albus Dumbledore walked up to his office from Professor McGonagall's office and used the fireplace to Floo directly to the Ministry and into the deputy minister for magic's office.

Minerva had, not unexpectedly, taken the news very badly, but was now dealing with the school and rest of the staff for him while he sorted the situation out as best he could.

"Percy, I need a word."

He was ushered into the office and found, when sat, that he was at a loss for words.

"How can I help you?  It looks serious."

"Percy, this afternoon on Hogwarts grounds a student was violently raped."

Percy's skin drained of colour.

"Headmaster, why tell me?  Why not go straight to the Department for Law Enforcement?  It…it wasn't someone I know?  It wasn't Mione?"

"Percy, it was Harry."

"Harry?" Percy asked, desperate for it not to be true, "Harry Potter?  Harry who's like a brother to my family?"

"I'm sorry, Percy."

"But…no, no, Harry's with Professor Snape."

Percy looked perplexed and angry and upset all at the same time.

"Percy, it wasn't Severus."

"Who…do you know who?"

"Sirius Black."

Percy sat back in his chair with a flump.

"Oh God."

"Percy…"

"How is he?"

"Healed, sleeping and extremely insecure.  He'll be fine physically, but emotionally, I'm unsure."

"And Professor Snape?"

"It's killing him."

"I can imagine – he loves Harry more than life itself, and hates Black just a little less."

They both sat in silence for a while, thinking about how this would affect people they had both become very close to.

"Percy, we are unsure as to how to proceed now."

Percy shook himself and went back into this professional mode.

"We talk to Keith Brown from the Law Enforcement Department.  It's best for it to be reported straight away, and we need to start a search for Black as well as get our lawyers to keep this quiet, for…for Harry's sake.  As soon as possible they'll send a counsellor and investigator and take Harry's statement.  The counsellor will stay a while to talk with Harry, and then arrange another appointment for some time later.  They'll take statements from whoever found him, and…who found him?"

"Ron and Hermione."

Percy looked about to cry.  His professional mask had been peeling since he first said Harry's name, and now at the mention of his brother and fiancée, it broke.

"Mione?  And Ron?  They found him after…?  When he was…  Oh, god, I have to see them all.  But first, let's talk to Keith.  No, wait, first let's tell my dad."

*


	6. Chapter 6

**6.**

****

Harry woke slowly.  His first thought was that he was warm.  The second that he was comfortable.  The third that he was safe.  The fourth that Sev was holding his hand.

He opened his eyes slowly in an attempt to block out the stark white of his surroundings.  It was then that he remembered why he was surrounded by white instead of the red and gold of his dorm room or the green and silver of Sev's bedroom.  He remembered why he was in the hospital wing, and he tightened his grip on the older man's hand, alerting him to the fact that his young lover was awake again.

"Harry."

It was said softly, almost reverently.  Harry shivered.

"Sev."

"I love you, baby."

Harry felt something in him melt with the assurance he hadn't had to ask for.

"Love you, too."

They sat in silence holding hands for a while until Ron came in with a jug of ice water and a glass.

"You're awake," Ron smiled.  Harry tried to smile back, but just couldn't.

Ron came closer to the bed in order to put the jug on the table by the bed and Harry squeezed Severus' hand and shuffled away.

Ron, noticing the actions, moved slowly and deliberately, trying not to scare his friend with any sudden or unexpected movements, before retreating to sit on the chair on Harry's other side.

"Harry, Dad and Perce are here with some people from the DLE.  They're with Hermione now, and they already talked to me.  Mate, they need to talk to you, too."

Harry froze.

"I…I can't."

"Harry…"

Harry switched his pleading gaze from Ron to Severus.

"Harry, you need to.  Not just to help get Black, but to help you.  The sooner you talk about it, the sooner you'll get better.  There should be a counsellor here, and they know exactly how to help you.  You'll do fine, love, and I'll stay here with you for as long as I can."

"I don't want to, Sev," Harry pleaded.

"I know, love, but you have to.  I'm sorry, baby – I don't want you to have to either."

"Sev, I really don't think I can."

Severus squeezed his hand reassuringly.

"You'll do your best, and it'll be more than enough."

Ron smiled again, though it was a little strained, Harry noticed.

"I'll go see when they'll be here."

"Ron, how are you?"

Ron turned around, shocked, as he reached the curtain.

"What, mate?"

"You found me.  It must have been a shock.  How are you?"

"I'm fine, or at least I will be…Herms is bit worse off, but she'll be okay too – we're all more worried about you."

"Hermione was there, too?"

"Yeah, mate – she went to get Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey while I stayed with you."

"She's with Percy?"

"Yeah, he's taking care of her."

"Good."

"Just like the Professor's taking care of you?"

Harry actually smiled, albeit a little weakly, thanks to the combination of Ron's comment and Severus' hand on his.

"Yeah."

"Good.  I'll go see when they'll be in."

He departed through the curtains.

Harry turned to Severus.

"And you, are you okay?"

"The whole thing scared the life out of me, and I was – am – angry beyond belief at Black, but, I'm…fine – Pomfrey forced a potion on me.  I'm still worried about you, but I'll be here to help you get better."

Harry looked intently at him.

"And you really meant it…what you said earlier?  That you'll _always_ be here?"

Severus smiled.

"Baby, always.  For as long as you want me."

"I want you forever."

"That sounds good to me."

"Me too.  Would you…would you hug me?  I want you close to me.  I need to feel you.  Ignore me if I flinch – I need to have you touching me."

Slowly, Severus got up and sat on the edge of the bed.  He wrapped his arms around Harry (who didn't flinch, much to both men's delight), and pulled him close, rocking to and fro a little.

That was how the two officers from the DLE and Arthur Weasley found them a moment or two later.

"Harry, how are you?" Arthur Weasley asked.

Harry pulled back from Severus.

"I really don't know how I am."

A blonde woman and a brown-haired man, both apparently in their fifties (although it was hard to tell in the magical world), stood behind Mr Weasley.  They both nodded as though that was exactly the answer they expected.

"Harry, this is Inspector Gerald Davies and Doctor Geraldine Hayes, a psychologist, from the Ministry of Magic's Department of Law Enforcement.  Harry, is it okay if they talk with you for while?"

Harry looked at them – they seemed friendly enough, and they were there to help, he knew.  He could avoid feeling a little jumpy, but he knew that they must have some experience in these cases.

"Can Severus stay?"

Geraldine looked at them.

"For the first part, definitely, but I'll need to speak with you alone after for just a little while."

"He has to leave?"

Harry sounded panicked, so Severus stroked his thumb across the back of Harry's hand soothingly.

"I'll only be outside, and only for just a little while when you talk to the doctor about what happened.  You need to do that alone, and I know you can.  But don't worry about that for a while at least; I'm here now."

Harry shuffled over to the side of his bed.

"Sit up with me, Sev."

Slowly, carefully, Severus climbed up.  He stopped moving his arm around to Harry's back when Harry flinched, but Harry scowled at his involuntary reaction and pulled it around him.  Geraldine smiled.

"You seem determined to beat this."

Harry gave her a tight smile.

"I'm not going to let that bastard come between me and the man I love."

While Geraldine smiled in acceptance and even a little pride, Inspector Davies scowled a little – he hadn't known about Harry's relationship with an ex-death eater.  At a warning glance from Arthur Weasley he relaxed – Arthur would never put Harry in any situation where there was even the possibility of the boy being hurt, would certainly not defend it, and it seemed as though Snape was being good to Potter.

"Right," Davies began as he sat down, taking out an official version of the Quick Quotes Quill and some parchment with the ministry seal, "Mr Harry Potter, we wish to ask you some questions regarding an incident that occurred today in Hogwarts grounds.  We would ask you to think carefully about your answers and to try to be as truthful as possible.  Don't embellish or leave out any information, no matter how irrelevant you think it could be.  Okay?"

Harry nodded, cleared his throat and quietly answered, "Yes, sir."

"Okay, now, Mister Potter-"

"Just Harry, please."

"Okay then, Harry, I've been informed that all of this started after Hogwarts' official lunchtime, so could you tell me what you were doing from around two o'clock this afternoon?"

*


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

_Previously:_

_"Okay then, Harry, I've been informed that all of this started after Hogwarts' official lunchtime, so could you tell me what you were doing from around two o'clock this afternoon?"_

Harry looked at man and then down to his hands, clasped on the covers of his bed.

"I was, uhm, when I left the Great Hall I went down to the dungeons to talk to Severus-"

"Professor Severus Snape, the potions professor here at Hogwarts?"

"Yes, uhm, my, he's…"

He looked at Severus, who nodded encouragingly.

"I went down to the dungeons to talk to my boyfriend, Severus."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"Why were you alone?  Would your friends not normally have come with you?

"They wanted to go to the library and they appreciated that I wanted to be alone to talk with Severus."

Davies nodded.

"So I went to the dungeons.  We spoke for a little while.  I told him I was going to go to Hagrid's hut to feed his dog – Fang.  I'd promised him I would, you see, and I was just letting Severus know I'd be by to see him later and that I couldn't stay just then, things like that."

He didn't think he had to mention that they'd been snogging like crazy as well, so he didn't.

"Okay, Harry, so you stopped by to speak to your, uhm, boyfriend.  How long, approximately, would you say you were there?"

"About…maybe five minutes?"

"Alright, and then what did you do?"

"I went out to Hagrid's hut, like I said I would."

"This Hagrid, he's Professor Rubeus Hagrid, the keeper of keys and grounds, and Care of Magical Creatures professor here?"

"Yes, uhm, he's one of my oldest friends – I've known him since my eleventh birthday.  He always asks me to feed and walk his dog, Fang, when he's away anywhere."

"So you were going out to the hut.  Did anything happen between your leaving the dungeons and arriving at the hut?"

"Not that I remember."

"You didn't see anyone?"

"Uhm, just a few Ravenclaw first years, but they were just at the doors to the school, just sitting and they didn't acknowledge me, nor me them."

"Okay, and when do you think you arrived at the hut – about what time?"

"About, uhm, quarter or twenty past two? I don't really know – I didn't have my watch on."

"Okay, that's fine, Harry.  Now, when you got to the hut, what happened?"

Harry tensed a little and Severus rubbed his shoulder.

"I went in by the front door – I was going to get Fang fed before we went out to walk.  I, uhm…  Sirius Black is an animagus.  He just registered this year after the war was over, but he's been one since he was about fifteen or so, so he's very experienced at using his form.  He, uhm, he's a big black dog.  He kinda looks like a grim."

The two officers looked shocked.

"Yeah, uhm, anyway, I didn't know that he'd been behind me until he pounced on me in his dog form.  At first I thought it was just cause he was excited to see me; he does…_did_, that a lot, but when I shut the door behind us, he did it again, harder."

Harry gulped a little and Arthur poured him a glass of water.  Harry took it in shaking hands.

"I'm sorry."

"Nonsense, Harry, just take your time – we understand that this is hard for you."

A few moments and a succession of gulps of cool water later, Harry recommenced.

"He pounced again, and this time I was pushed back against the door.  I hit my head and I think it started bleeding.  Maybe I split it open?"

"You don't need to try to diagnose your medical condition – just tell us what you remember happening for sure, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, uhm…well, I fell on the ground and he sort of sat on top of me.  I started to get scared, because he'd never done anything like that before."

Harry's eyes got glazed and he started to see it all in his head like a movie.

"I told him to stop; to get off me because he was hurting me, but he wouldn't listen or he didn't care.  I was really scared.  He moved a little and then changed back to Sirius.  He held my arms above my head and sat on my legs.  He told me that he had seen and heard me with Severus  - that's how he knew I was going to Hagrid's.  He said that he knew we were together and that it hurt him.  I was about to explain, and trying to get out from under him when he ripped my shirt.  A strip came off and he scrunched it up and put it in my mouth.  I couldn't breathe properly, and I felt like I was going to throw up."

Severus clutched Harry tighter, but Harry didn't notice – he was hours behind, still in Hagrid's hut.

"He ripped it again and twisted my arms together and tied them at the wrist.  It really hurt, and I was trying to get free, but he was too strong.  He said I wasn't allowed to be with anyone else because I was his – he said my father gave me to him incase something happened and…"

He shivered and the others knew he was thinking about what had happened to James Potter.

"He pulled my jeans off and turned me over and he, he…"

Harry chocked on a sob, and Severus started to rock him again.  Harry broke out of his trance and clutched at his lover, resting his head on the broad shoulder.

"I couldn't stop him – he just, I couldn't stop him."

"Harry, what couldn't you stop him from doing?"

"From, from touching me down there and from…from…he kept telling me I was his every time he…"

"Harry, can you tell me what he did maybe in official terms – would that make it easier?"

Harry nodded slightly; glad he didn't have to go into great detail.

"He raped me," he chocked out, trying not to sob.  Saying it made it a little easier to accept – just a little.

"Harry, you don't need to elaborate on that particular any further than this – did he sexually penetrate you in a situation where you were unable to stop him and unwilling to participate?"

Harry felt the tears dribble down his face.

"Yes," he whispered, "And I couldn't stop him.  And after he hit me and kicked me and spat on me and kept telling me that I was a slut and that nobody wanted me and…he just kept hurting me and I don't know why!  I thought he loved me!  I thought he cared for me like a godfather, but he hurt me and he wouldn't stop!"

Harry broke down into whole-body jerking sobs and was cradled by Severus, who was muttering everything that had calmed Harry previously.

"Shh, now, baby – it's all over and we're going to help you now.  It's okay, now, shh, you're safe now and I love you, and so do lots of people and we're all going to help you.  I love you, baby, and I'm here forever and I trust you and want you and it's all over now.  Black will get captured and he will never be able to hurt you or anyone ever again, baby.  You'll be okay.  Shh."

Arthur was sitting with his head in his hands, trying to will all he had heard from Harry out of existence and failing miserably.  Inspector Davies was looking between his notes and Harry with a sad look on his face and Geraldine was wondering how someone could have been so mentally unstable that they would do this to Harry Potter – do it to anyone.

Finally Harry sobbed sobbing.  He was hiccoughing a little, but the water seemed to help a little.  Inspector Davies began questions again.

"Now, Harry, we've established that Mister Black both assaulted and raped you.  The last thing I need to know is if you have any idea of where he would be going now?"

Harry thought.

"Maybe…you could try the Shrieking Shack and maybe Professor Remus Lupin's home.  Mundungus Fletcher's or Arabella Figg's too – they don't know what he's done yet, so they'd let him in.  He might just be in the forest, though."

"Thank you for talking with me, Harry.  I'm sorry about what happened to you and I want you to know the department is going to do everything it can to get this done as quickly and as quietly as possible."

Harry half-smiled at the man as he stood.

"Thank you, sir.  I don't think he would do it to anyone else, but I don't want to take that chance."

Arthur stood.

"Harry, we're gong to leave you with Geraldine now.  I'll be back to visit later tonight with Molly and maybe some of the others, and I'm sure Percy will want to see you before he goes.  Is that all right?

Harry nodded.

"I'm really very sorry, Harry."

"Thank you, Mister Weasley."

With a weak wave from one and a nod from the other, the two men left.  Harry turned to the counsellor.

"Sev has to leave now?"

"Yes, but we won't be long and if you need a break you can stop and we can call him back in, okay?"

Harry nodded slowly and Severus gave him one last cuddle before leaving, saying only, "you'll do fine, baby.  I love you," and slipping out of the cubicle.

*


	8. Chapter 8

**8.**

****

In the absence of Severus' heat beside him, Harry pulled his covers further over him for warmth and comfort.  He was alone with the officer from the DLE – the physiologist; Geraldine, and feeling uncomfortable because it was the first time Severus had left him since it had happened.

"What…what am supposed to do now?" he asked the smiling woman.

"We're going to chat about how you feel about what happened, some possible side-effects of your trauma and some ways you can make yourself more comfortable."

Harry nodded.

"Okay, so we both know what happened – I was here when you told the inspector."

Harry shrugged, trying not to think about it.

"Your boyfriend seems to be very supportive."

Harry smiled properly as he thought just how great Severus was being, and at the fact that the woman was asking a question without it being a question.

 "He loves me."

Then he frowned.

"I thought Sirius loved me, but he never actually said it – I just realised that."

"Severus said it a lot just then."

"Yeah."

"Do you believe him?"

"I…want to."

"But you don't know who you can trust now."

"Maybe.  I trusted Sirius and then he did that."

"It seems to me that Sirius may be a sick man.  He spent a lot of time in Azkaban when it was ran by the Dementors, didn't he?"

"About twelve years or so."

"I think that maybe Sirius wasn't strong enough to come out after that amount of time and not be mentally unstable."

"Severus was in Azkaban."

"Really?  For how long?"

"About a fortnight, but that was years ago."

"When he was on trial for being a follower of the Dark Lord."

"Yeah – he stayed there until they let Dumbledore plead his case as a spy.  I don't think it affected him that way, though – he wasn't there for very long, and besides, he's a very strong man.  He just has nightmares every so often.  Sirius always seemed so happy, but Severus never hides that he was there and that it affected him."

"So you think you can trust him."

"I love him, and I trust him, I do, it's just…I feel a little insecure now, because of what Sirius said."

"What did he say?"

"That I only brought trouble.  That I was dirty and spoiled.  That Severus wouldn't want me anymore.  That I was a waste of a life.  And the thing is, I know I shouldn't believe him, but it's hard not to, do you know what I mean?"

"Harry, does Severus treat you any differently now than he did before?"

"He's telling me he loves me more, and he's more protective, but I think that might wear off after a while – it's just because it's so soon after.  Uhm…he's actually not being any different except…he seems more ready to show affection in public."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good, I guess.  I just never expected him to.  It's nice to know I'm worth more to him than his reputation and that – nobody outside our immediate friends knew until now, and he doesn't seem to care that everyone else is going to find out.  It's nice to know that, but otherwise, I guess he's not any different from before."

"Before, did you believe that Severus loved you?"

"Yes."

"So if he's not acting any differently from then, do you think maybe you can believe that what Sirius said isn't true?  And that Severus and your friends aren't going to listen to a word he had to say, because they love you, even now?"

Harry thought long and hard about what she was saying, amazed that she had gotten right down to the heart of his problem so quickly.

"I think, maybe…maybe I do believe them and not Sirius.  It doesn't stop me from flinching away, though.  I hate it, because I trust them and I know it's got to be hurting them to think I don't."

"Harry, that reaction is, in your case, purely involuntary.  Almost every rape victim I have come across has reacted in a similar way.  You may also experience flashbacks or jumpiness among other things, and I'll give you a pamphlet before I go about that, but you have to know that if they love you and you let them know that you trust them, you will overcome this.  To begin with, as well, there are ways around it.  You can instigate all contact, which will give you more control.  You can limit who you see and speak to, as well.  You seemed to respond well to Severus' touching.  Is there anyone else who would touch you in daily routine that you wouldn't be so comfortable with right now?"

"My best friends – they would do things like put their hands on my shoulders and stuff like that.  God, it seems so trivial, but the idea of them doing it when I don't expect it makes me shiver."

"So you talk to them and let them know not to unless you ask them to.  I can't guarantee they'll remember all the time, but I'm sure they'll try their best.  Anyone else?"

Harry violently shuddered as he remembered Molly Weasley's reactions to him after these types of situation.

"Missus Weasley.  She hugs me a lot."

"And she is…?"

"My friend Ron's mum – Mister Weasley's wife.  She's always been really nice to me and I've stayed with her a load of times – she's really great, but a bit overwhelming sometimes, and she'll probably try to hug me as soon as she comes in."

"Again, just let her know how you feel, and if you're really worried, get someone else to tell her before she arrives.  Is there anything else you're worried about…?"

The conversation carried on for a good while longer until Harry felt a bit more confident and a lot more at ease with himself and his surroundings.  He looked at the clock and realised that he had been talking alone with Geraldine for over two hours.

She smiled when he realised this, bid him goodbye to see her again in a month for a sort of mental check-up and gave him a chocolate frog (to 'supplement awful hospital-wing food') and the pamphlet.

As soon as she left, Severus came in and unsurely sat down next to him.

"Sev, I love you, and I don't want to hurt you, but…can you not touch me unless I ask you to?  It's not that I don't trust you or don't want to be touched by you, it's just the opposite – it want to be able to hold you without thinking about it and if I ask you, I'll maybe feel more in control and-"

"Harry," Severus broke into the rush of pleads and explanations with a slight smile on his face, "Harry, love I'll do anything to help you."

"Come sit by me again?"

Severus got up and sat down beside Harry.

"Put your arm around me?"

A warm, strong arm went round him and pulled him to a muscular chest.  He looked up into pools of midnight.

"Kiss me?"

Slightly surprised, but ready to do anything for Harry, he murmured, "just say stop and I will," before lowering his lips onto Harry's, softly and every so gentle.

Harry let one arm go up around Severus' neck and he held them together in that simple press of lip against lip for a long time, sighing slightly, happily, as they pulled away.

"I love you Sev."

"I love you too, baby."

Harry looked into his eyes and smiled brilliantly for the first time all day.

"I know."

Sev laughed with delight.

"I never _ever_ thought I'd hear you say that – especially not after today."

"Geraldine, she helped me see that."

"Really?"

"And she gave me a chocolate frog and some great advice."

Severus smiled, his heart swelling with delight that his 'baby' was already way on the way to recovery.

"You should send her a thank-you note."

"I will."

They sat there for a while, Harry every so often asking for another gentle kiss and Severus supplying them.

*


	9. Chapter 9

Strange Relationships 

Following applies to all chapters.

Disclaimer – Not my characters, otherwise would not be under Fan Fiction, no?

Rating – R, right from the start

Pairing – SS/HP

Warnings – slash, graphic rape/non-con, violence, Sirius Black bashing!

Genre – hurt/comfort, angst

Summary – Sirius Black is not a nice man, but Harry doesn't figure that out until it's too late.

A/N – I'm sorry this wasn't updated for so, so long, but the truth is I had given it up after book 5 came out.  But then I looked at my reviews and thought, you know what, I enjoyed writing this and people enjoyed reading it, so let's keep it going and just make it AU.

So here it is.

The next chapter is half written already and will hopefully be here, complete with reviewer responses, in the next couple of days.   I've also started rewriting Guilty Consciences chapter 3, so it should be here son, too – I've gotten over my block… hopefully!

Anyway, here it is, and I hope you enjoy it…

****

**9.**

****

The dinner bell went at seven pm and startled them both out of light dozes.  Madam Pomfrey looked amused at the two men who sat up straight, looking around, confused, wondering where the noise was coming from and why.  She was glad to see that Harry was looking a lot better – the psychologist had given her a copy of her report to put in Harry's medical file and it had shown good progress from the one short session, but to see it was something else.

Even so, she dosed him with a mild calming potion and left them with a light supper, telling Harry to make sure Severus ate, which garnered her a smile that went straight to her heart, and a scowl, which she ignored because it was soon replaced by a smile when Severus saw that Harry looked happy.

After eating, they were bombarded with Weasleys, or in Hermione's case, future Weasleys.  They split up into 'manageable' chunks.  Harry asked Ron, Hermione and Percy to come in first, and asked them to speak to Mrs Weasley about the touching while he talked to Ginny and the twins.  Still, when she came in, the matriarch came rather close to the bed, arms open, before remembering, scaring Harry in the process.  She had burst into tears at his frightened face and squirming, apologising profusely before suddenly announcing that she had never liked that Black anyway, and were they sure it hadn't been him who betrayed Harry's parents?

She left a shaken Harry and silently fuming Severus, who had had to mutter his words of reassurance again before Harry's heart rate would slow to a normal level.  If Severus had his way, she wouldn't be back until he'd had a nice, long… chat, with her.

They brought another cot into the cubicle, not too far away from Harry's, and Severus spent the night there, unwilling to scare Harry any further.  Harry had protested at first, before realising he didn't want to hurt Severus if he had a flashback on waking, which was likely according to his pamphlet.

In the middle of the night, Harry woke up, sweating and breathing harshly.  He hadn't had a flashback, but a rather severe nightmare.  This time he saw his parents standing there, agreeing to every point Sirius made and making no attempt to save him.  He tried to calm himself down before deciding to do what he usually did on having a nightmare.  He crawled into Severus' bed and allowed the strong arms to automatically pull him closer and snuggle him into the warm solidity that was his lover. 

*

Sirius Black had, after going into the forest by the school, wandered in his dog form to the Shrieking Shack via the secret passage and out into Hogsmeade.

Instead of aparating to Remus' home just outside the wizarding village he decided to walk – it was a sunny day out, he was feeling happy, and the burden of looking after James's brat had now been lifted from his shoulders.

He'd always expected that Harry had had limited uses, and apparently they were exceeded after helping him escape the law, being the one to defeat Voldemort, and being good ass.  Apparently Snape took good care of his little catamite – his ass had been tight as a virgin's: quite satisfactory.

The trees were looking good – they had all just gotten back their leaves and appeared new and shiny, plus they were crowded with little families of birds who were providing a relaxing soundtrack along his way to visit his 'friend'.

Leaving Azkaban had been something of a disappointment to him.  For the first, Harry had taken away his chance to kill that rat, Pettigrew.  He was far too much like Lily.  He'd never liked her – goody-two-shoes.

Anyway, he'd also remembered that no one had bothered to try to help him prove his innocence; had, in fact, automatically assumed the worst.  Including Remus – especially Remus.

Remus had, after all, been the only remaining member of their group.  But Remus also had his uses, so he remained 'friends' with him despite the disappointment.

The werewolf had always been good for a place to sleep and eat, an ear to bend, and a convincing way to get people to believe almost anything.  He had a silver tongue, which was rather ironic considering his species.

Laughing quietly to himself he ambled up the path from Remus' gate to the door at the side of his tumbledown cottage and transformed back into his human form.

Beginning to whistle, he let himself in and walked through the house trying to locate Lupin.  All he found was a note telling him that Remus had gone shopping and would be back soon.  That was okay – it would give him a chance to change out of his dirty clothes and to shower.

Taking them off he realised they were actually worse than he had thought.  Making a mental note to incinerate them at a later time, he stepped into the shower and didn't come out for a half hour.

It was another half hour until Remus came back, and by then he was sitting in clean clothes with a book listening to the Witching Hour on the radio.

"Hey, Siri.  Did you visit Harry?"

Looking up at the werewolf he nodded, before getting up to help put the groceries away.  There was nothing quite so bad as a rude houseguest in his opinion.

"Yeah.  It was so ice out that I walked home after – did you hear, in the garden?  I think you may have a nightingale out there."

They chatted as they prepared dinner and sang along with the radio, and then sat down and ate.

The evening was spent reading and chatting some more.  The topic of Harry never came up, which was unusual for them.

It was when Remus volunteered to do some laundry that things went a little stale for Sirius and Remus both.

Walking into the guest room, Remus wrinkled his nose.  Something smelt bad in here.

Looking over to Sirius' clothes in a heap on the floor it wasn't long before he knew exactly why.

The question was, why were Sirius' clothes covered in blood and other body fluids?  And why did they all smell of Harry?

Heart beating a little fast, Remus went into his room and made a fire-call to Albus.

It wasn't Albus who answered, though; it was Minerva.

"Minerva, hello.  I was wondering if I could talk to Albus."

Minerva shook her head.

"Sorry, Remus, but he's rather busy.  You know."

He didn't, really, but he let it slide.

"Well, could you et Harry out of Quidditch practice for me?  I really need to-"

He didn't get to finish, because Minerva had gone pale and looked very upset.  She was now speaking over him, which was nothing like Minerva normally – she was always one for manners.

"Oh, Remus, you haven't heard?  I can't believe they haven't told you yet – they were even mentioning checking your house for him."

"For who?  For Harry?  Has he run away?"

Minerva now had tears in her eyes.

"No, Remus...  Remus, Harry was raped today."

Remus felt sick and had to put a hand over his mouth just incase.

"But… Sirius was there today.   He would have told me…"

Looking sickened herself, Minerva replied.

"Remus, Sirius was the one who did it."

Remus felt himself freeze.

The clothes with the blood…

"Minerva, he's downstairs right now…"

She was suddenly all business.

"Keep him occupied.  I'll inform Albus and the DLE, and they'll be there in five minutes.  When they arrive come over.  I'm sure Harry would like to know we've got him."

Nodding, ending the fire-call, and going downstairs Remus tried to look as casual as possible, but on looking at Sirius' earnest face he felt his heart sink.  He'd forgiven Sirius for trying to kill Severus Snape; he'd forgiven Sirius for changing his name to Peter's in the Fidelius charm for Lily, James and Harry; but this time it was too, too much.  He found himself being glad that his old friend was surely going to get the Dementors' kiss.

Answering the door to Arthur and some aurors from the Ministry, Remus watched without any emotion but relief as Sirius was bound and his wand was snapped.

Sirius' eyes caught his, pleading, but he looked away in disgust and only heard as the aurors and Sirius disappeared with a pop using a portkey.

He felt a strong hand on his shoulder and found himself looking at a solemn Arthur Weasley.

"Tell me about Harry."

*

Please R&R!

Xox,

Mia.


	10. Chapter 10

Strange Relationships 

Following applies to all chapters.

Disclaimer – Not my characters, otherwise would not be under Fan Fiction, no?

Rating – R, right from the start

Pairing – SS/HP

Warnings – slash, graphic rape/non-con, violence, Sirius Black bashing!

Genre – hurt/comfort, angst

Summary – Sirius Black is not a nice man, but Harry doesn't figure that out until it's too late

A/N – Well, that came out faster than I thought it would!  (Maybe I'm just making up for lost time?) Enjoy!

**10.**

****

Severus woke earlier than usual, wondering why he was half in, half out of his large bed.  Then he recalled that it wasn't his bed but a narrow infirmary cot, and he realised the reason he was about to fall out was because Harry had wormed his way into his arms in the middle of the night.

Despite feeling heartened that Harry still wanted to be near him, he didn't want to scare him, so he edged out, pulling Harry further onto the bed, and went to sit at the bottom.  He watched the rhythmic rise and fall of Harry's chest and the lock of raven hair that moved every time the teen inhaled or exhaled.

He noted the strange half-smile on Harry's face and the way he snuffled his nose into the pillow where Severus had been lying, and began to smile himself.  He had really been worried about how Harry would react to him after this – he had heard stories where it had broken up relationships entirely.  It seemed to him that maybe this would eventually make theirs stronger, but he hated that it had happened this way.

He decided that, as soon as possible, they would sit down and have a very long, albeit gentle, talk.  Reaching out a hand, he slid it down Harry's side and leg, letting his sensitive fingers trace the familiar contours right to the thin ankle and back again. He briefly wondered why he was the only one Harry actually liked touching him and whether he would mind him doing that when he was awake, when Harry hummed happily and little slits of green showed from under Harry's curly eyelashes.  He went to move his hand away from Harry's waist, but Harry's seeker-fast reaction meant it was trapped under another hand before it was even an inch off the fabric.

"Don't stop."

"Harry, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"You don't make me feel uncomfortable."

"I don't understand why not."

"Neither do I, but when am I ever normal?  Now get back in bed with me."

"Not enough room."

"Push my cot up and make one big bed."

"Madam Pomfrey would have my guts for garters."

Harry lifted his hand and linked their fingers.

"Please?"

"You'll have to let go of my hand," he warned, with a smile.

Harry let go while Severus, feeling lazy, used his wand to reposition Harry's old cot and then resized the blanket covering Harry before climbing in himself and, on Harry's request, cuddling him close, running fingers through his messy hair and getting rid of the knots sleep had put in it.

"Do you know if they caught him yet, Sev?"

"I don't know, no.  Sorry, baby – I only woke a few minutes before you, and I doubt they want to disturb you."

"I really don't think he'd do it to anyone else – just me."

"You are one person too many, Harry."

Harry looked up at him.

"If I'd had to choose between you and him even before this, I would have chosen you, you know that, don't you?  And you know that I would chose you over anyone?"

Severus looked down.

"I didn't know, no.  But it's nice to know now."

"And you believe me?  Please tell me you believe me."

Harry's gaze was pleading and desperate, and Severus couldn't help but believe him.

"I don't know why you would, but I believe you, I do.  And I'd choose you over anyone or anything.  I want you to know that – you're the most important thing to me.  More important than anything."

Harry smiled, a little wobbly, 'I'm-trying-not-to-cry' smile, before he pressed a kiss to Severus' neck and settled down into the comfortable silence.

After a while Poppy came in to check if they were still asleep and disapprovingly looked at the two beds pushed together as she asked what they wanted for breakfast.  She didn't say anything about it, though, and indeed looked more perked up than last night.

When she brought them their trays of scrambled eggs and toast (Harry hadn't wanted anything, but both the nurse and his lover had insisted), she told them the good news.

"Harry, Sirius was apprehended last night at Remus Lupin's house.  The Ministry are giving him a short trial today and then he'll likely be given the Dementors' Kiss."

Harry actually felt himself tense up.

"That's… good."

Pomfrey smiled and left again, so she didn't see that after about fifteen seconds Harry began to shake.

Trying to conceal his unease from Severus he picked up his fork and began to move his food around.

It was actually this that brought it to the older man's attention.  His shaking transmitted to his fork, which began to rattle on his plate.

"Harry."

It was said in a quiet, gentle voice, but it still startled him into a jump.

"Harry, tell me what's wrong."

He tried to, but his voice seized over and his breathing got shallower.

"Harry, I'd really like you to try to calm down, now, and tell me how I can help you."

Setting his fork down, he tried to push his tray away, but finally had to let Severus move it for him.

Feeling nauseous and weak, Harry made his unsteady way to the bathroom by leaning on the other beds, closely followed by Severus and, when she noticed them moving, Pomfrey.

He fell to his knees in front of the bowl and threw up everything he had eaten the night before in waves with gaps of perhaps ten seconds in between, still shaking.

He didn't notice Poppy hand Severus a blanket, but he felt it go around his back and shoulders and then Severus' tentative touch to his back, which, when he didn't jerk away, turned into a slow, circling rub.

He was covered in a cold sweat which was making his hair stick to his forehead and neck, and he could hear Pomfrey click away and then back again as he rested his hands on the sides of the bowl to keep him self upright.

When he saw her appear at his right hand side with a calming potion, he took one look at the pale blue liquid and threw up some bile, retching again from the taste, but unable to bring anything more up.

His shaking was now very pronounced and he couldn't stop it.

He felt Severus gather him up to his chest and on to his lap in the blanket, but he had his eyes closed now, so he didn't see the worried look on Severus' face.

A cool, damp cloth began to wipe the sweat from his face and chest and then a warm, fluffy one dried him off.

Slowly the shaking eased and he was left with simple shivers from the sweat on his neck and back and his proximity to the freezing cold tiles on the floor.

Opening his eyes a little he finally saw exactly how anxious Severus looked.

His forehead was creased and frown lines were deep around his mouth.  His dark eyes sparkled where visible – they were narrowed and focused on Harry and Harry alone.

After a moment or two of staring at Harry he looked up at Poppy.

"He's sweating, but he's still shivering.  Can we put him into a warm bath, maybe?"

He heard the response, but didn't have enough energy to turn his head and look at her.

"We'll start a gradual warming charm on him and then get him into the bath if he agrees."

He saw Severus' chin dip in response and then felt the tingle of the spell muttered by the witch.

The idea of a bath was appealing to him, so he tried to speak.

"Sev, n'I've bath?"

His voice came out in a harsh whisper, his words slurred together, but he'd gotten his message across, so he contented himself with it.

Severus held him closer and nodded.

"Of course, baby.  Just wait one moment and we'll have it ran.  We'll put all the different types of bubbles in, just like you like, and get you all warmed up and cleaned.  Does that sound good?"

He made a vaguely affirmative noise and closed his eyes again.

His stomach still felt bad – it was cramping a little and aching.

His head was pounding in time to his pulse and all of his muscles felt like over-cooked pasta.

He'd felt so good when he'd woken up, too – warm and safe and with Severus' touching him just like he had before.

"Harry, who would you like to help you bathe?"

The voice was feminine, but he wanted Severus to help him.

"Sev'rus."

He could only imagine her pragmatic nod, but he could hear the door click shut after her departure and the distant echo of her heels on the tile.

After a minute Severus shifted under him and then pulled him up in his arms before standing and sitting him on the toilet – with the lid down.

Harry leant back and let his head meet the wall as Severus took out his wand and muttered some spells.  The heating charm was working – when Severus' spell to undress him worked he felt no change in temperature, just the relief of getting the sticky pyjamas off his skin.

He let his lover pick him up, wondering vaguely why he'd never noticed how strong Severus' arms were before, and set him back down in the warm, foamy water.

Pomfrey had, as Severus had said, used all the different types of bubbles, including his personal favourite at the moment – the thick, ice-white stuff, which, he realised now, _could_ support his weight.  He'd wondered since his fourth year and he'd tried out the prefects' bathroom.  It was certainly useful when you weren't sure yourself whether you could support your own weight.

"Harry, is it okay if I wash your back and neck for you?"

He made an 'hmm' noise and then relaxed into the warmth and movements Severus was making with the sponge.

He wasn't sure why, after having woken up only thirty minutes ago, he was so tired, but he felt like he could sleep for another ten hours.  He remembered something Hermione had told him once about his body needing to sleep even if he was healed with magic because it was how his body re-balanced itself.

After a while in the bath, though, his headache was fading, he had lost his nauseousness, and his muscles were all responding again.

His stomach still ached, but he figured Pomfrey would have something for that as soon as he walked back out the door.

Severus had stopped washing him a while back, but he still sat poised on the ledge around the bath to help Harry with anything he needed.

"I'm feeling much better, now, Severus, but could I get something to take the taste away?"

"Will some water do until you take the potion Poppy has to settle your stomach?"

Harry nodded and soon found a goblet with some water in it pressed to his lips.

"Sip, now.  We don't want it to upset your stomach anymore than it already is."

It took away the immediate taste, but he still felt like he'd woken up with one of Neville's socks in his mouth.

Rubbing his face and yawning, he asked Severus to help him out of the bath.

This resulted in Severus making sure he was propped up and not about to drown himself before popping out to find clean pyjamas and slippers.

He came back with both, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and the potion for Harry, which was gratefully received with an appreciative gurgle from Harry's stomach.

In ten minutes Harry found himself ensconced in a warm bed, feeling that sense of comfort one only gets from a newly made bed and a long bath.

"It was just… I remembered my third year.  It was the Dementors.  I just couldn't help but think my parents would be so disappointed in me, and then I remembered why, and what he said, and my dream from last night, and I…"

He looked at Severus and reached for his hand.

"I know they wouldn't be disappointed in me – they'd be upset and angry with Sirius just like you are, but it's different knowing something and not thinking about it.  I'm sorry for worrying you."

His hand was squeezed and he met gentle black eyes with his own.

"As long as you're okay now, I'm fine."

"I'm fine now.  I'm glad they got him and I'm glad he's getting the Kiss.  He deserves it.  Not just for what he did to me, but for what he did to you when you wee my age, too."

Severus closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them again.

"Thank you, Harry."

Harry smiled a wonky smile and they settled into silence, Severus' chair pushed as close to the bed as possible and their hands clasped on the white sheets, until Harry looked sadly at his empty lap.

"Is my breakfast still warm?"

*

Now, to my reviewers…

(Are we ready for a marathon glomp-fest?)

Big THANK-YOU! & glomps to:

slytherinsela

Sirius' Secret Lover

dark vampire

SHAMIE

Ivy – no death or torture… yet… (cackles evilly)

Kalih – I've read your fic – it's great.  Thanks for the comparison/contrast/whatever it was.  And, yes, for some reason I want to put poor Sev and Harry through hell with the angst and then let them loose with the fluff.  It makes it that much sweeter.

Riley Cat – I hope I'm not offending anyone who was raped – I have a couple friends who went through this, both with people they knew, and I know just what an ordeal it can be, at least from the point of view of a friend who doesn't know what to do to help, and I'm glad you think I've managed to approach the after-effects tactfully.

chantalmalfoy – Yes, Hermione is engaged to Percy.  We'll hear more about that later.  Maybe a nice wedding?

Sevter – Thanks for the advice, and I had that debate with both myself and a relative.  I've been informed that, medically, the only shock is to do with blood-loss, but it is a common term to describe how someone can react after seeing or experiencing something shocking.  I didn't know what else to call it…

Ptijade – One Dementors' kiss coming, and as for the torture... well, we'll see.

Majandra

CrazycheeseCake – I'll try to keep up the good work.  Cheers!

Redone – Sorry 'bout the A/N in the middle of the story, but I'll not change it incase I banjax the reviews.

Devlin

evelia

Meg/flygirl62 – sorry if it was the story that made you throw up.  I hope t was the pizza, though!  Castration for Sirius… hmm…

Sakura Lee

Finally, sorry, sorry, sorry about the formatting originally, but it always seems to do that to me!  I tend to get people yelling at me to 'PUT IT IN PARAGRAPHS!'  It was in my file, but not on ff.net's.  Sorry again, but thanks for letting me know!

xox,

Mia/SeverusShadowJ

R&R please!


	11. Chapter 11

Strange Relationships 

Following applies to all chapters:

Disclaimer – Not my characters, otherwise would not be under Fan Fiction, no?

Rating – R, right from the start

Pairing – SS/HP

Warnings – slash, graphic rape/non-con, violence, Sirius Black bashing!

Genre – hurt/comfort, angst, romance

Summary – Sirius Black is not a nice man, but Harry doesn't figure that out until it's too late.

****

**A/N - So, another week, another chapter.  Well, not quite a week – a little over, but who's counting?**

Anyway, I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with this one, but it's done and I'm dusting my hands of it.

**For readers of both this and of Guilty Consciences, I'm still having a little block on that one, but I'm hoping to have Chapter 4 out by not this Friday but the next, and it's shaping up to be a long one.**

**It's The Talk, if that makes sense to you.**

**Anyway, on with this show…**

****

****

**11.**

Remus sat by the lake at Hogwarts thinking about Sirius and James and Peter and most of all about Harry.

He wanted to go see Harry.  He ached to make sure that James' son was going to be all right and to let him know that he fully supported him.

Every time he thought of Sirius his heart felt hollow.

It felt the same now to think of Sirius as it did when he thought about Peter.  It was the same for Sirius now as it had been when he thought he had been responsible for the events at Godric's Hollow that Halloween, what seemed like so many years ago and, when he thought about it, actually was.  

Merlin, was little Harry already seventeen?

Was he really old enough to be in a serious relationship with someone – anyone?

Was he going to be okay?

He ached to see him, but he was scared.

Harry had suffered now at the hands of Peter and Sirius, and yes, even his father by association only.  Wasn't it likely that he, Remus, was just going to make things worse, too?

Wasn't it likely that Harry wouldn't want to see him?  After all, hadn't he been the one who had supported Sirius after his escape?  Wasn't he, truly, the one to blame because he hadn't seen this coming?

His mind was a whorl of questions that needed answers, but that he was too afraid to get.

He had always been afraid.  Afraid of people finding out his secret; afraid of people turning against him; afraid that, even though he had friends among the most popular boys in the school, Sirius and James would leave him, turn around and reveal his secret, if he didn't go along with everything they did.

His life had been ruled by fear of a situation that he wouldn't be able to talk his way out of, and he was used to it by now.

He would see Harry if, and only if, Harry wanted to see him.

But still, he would sit here by the lake, watching the giant squid, just incase.

Incase he finally screwed up the courage to go visit Harry, because after all, there was no more Sirius and James to turn their backs, and even if they had, everyone knew what he was these days.

Really the only things he was afraid of now were Harry's almost certain rejection, and the heartbreaking possibility that this had changed Harry for the worse.  He couldn't go up and see a broken Harry Potter and know that he had at least some fault in it.

Sighing deeply, he turned back to look at the shoreline, which was not so much a shoreline as a dip straight into the water.  No in-between, just straight from land to water.

How had Sirius gone straight from a loving guardian to an insane man, a rapist?  Surely there had to have been something in-between, something that, even if he hadn't seen it, could be seen by **someone**.  But if that was the case, why had no one seen it?

"Remus."

Startled out of his reflections he looked around to find out who had called his name.

"Albus."

The old man stood close to him.  Too close for him not to have heard the approach normally, but still he hadn't, because things weren't normal, and he was distracted by his thoughts.

"Remus, why are you sitting alone by the lake when Harry most likely would like to see you?"

Shaking his head, Remus looked back at the lake.  It barely moved this morning, rippling ever so lightly, sporadically, as the breeze blew randomly in different directions.

"No, he won't.  Why would he?"

Remus heard the rustle of clothes and saw, peripherally, Albus move to sit on a boulder near his own.

"Surely you know that he considers you a friend?  Surely you know that he'll want to thank you for your participation in Sirius' arrest?  Surely you know he'll be comforted in knowing that not all of his father's friends were people he would have been ashamed of?"

When Remus looked away, Albus clucked reprovingly.

"Remus, you know that you're not to blame for any of the harm that Harry has come to, don't you?"

"I'm not fully to blame," Remus conceded in a small voice, "but I'm not faultless.  I lived with him, Albus.  I should have known – I should have seen it coming."

Remus heard a resounding sigh, a frustrated one, from his right.

"No one saw it coming.  Do you think if I had that I would have let Sirius on to school property?  That if Severus had seen it coming, he would have let Harry out of his sight?  That if Hermione or the Weasleys had they wouldn't have sought out Sirius and registered him unable to do anything of harm to anybody?  No one saw it coming.  Don't blame them, and don't blame yourself.

"Now I'm here because Severus wants to see you, but he doesn't want to leave Harry.  Do you think he would ask you to come if he blamed you, or if he thought Harry did?"

Remus shivered as a breeze blew straight through his robes.

"I'll go speak to Severus, then."

"Do.  And please, speak to Harry, too.  If not for yourself or for Harry, then do it because James and Lily can't."

Remus put his head in his hands.

"I need a few minutes.  Tell Severus I'll be there in fifteen minutes.  Please."

"Be sure that you are.  Good morning, Remus."

"Good morning, Albus."

Remus sat, staring at the grass at his feet.

He'd go and speak to Severus, and if Harry wanted to see him, he'd see him too.  But he would not force him.  He would not do that to Harry, to anyone, not now.

But he just needed a few more minutes.

Just a few.

~

He had popped out to use the bathroom and talk to Albus.

And to have just a few minutes to him self, which had changed into more than a few without his knowledge.

That scene with Harry this morning had, quite frankly, scared him.  To sit by, helpless, and watch his lover become physically sick at the idea that his dead parents would be disappointed in him for having been raped…

He wanted to cry, but at the same time he didn't.

Harry had mentioned a dream.  Was that why they had ended up in the same bed?  He would have to ask him about it.

But maybe not for a while.

Let things calm down a bit.

Sitting on the closed toilet lid, he ran his fingers through his hair, grabbing fists full before letting it go and running his fingers through it.

He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it out slowly through his mouth.  He had heard that that was a trick for calming down, but it didn't seem to be working for him.  He realised that his hands were gripping his knees tightly enough to leave bruises, but what were a few bruises compared to what Harry had went through?

Dementors.

He had had his fair share of them those two weeks in Azkaban.  His mind had replayed every bad thing that had happened to him, and when it had run out, the loop had started again.  He was fairly sure that, were any to come near him again, the image of Harry throwing up repeatedly, barely able to speak afterward, unable to truly support his own weight, that would be the first and foremost.

No, it wouldn't, it would be what he had seen when he had lifted the blanket covering Harry down in Hagrid's hut.

Harry shouting that he was a waste of a life would feature there somewhere, as would his first glance of Harry lying on the floor, broken.

But how much harder must it have been for Harry to be thinking and experiencing all these things firsthand?

Sighing, he stood up and walked out into the main ward, only to see Lupin standing at the furthest edge of Harry's cubicle from Harry as he could get, looking nervous as hell as Harry spoke to him.  Had it been so long since he had left? He had wanted to talk to the man about the arrest in private so that he could relay the facts to Harry himself, so that he could be sure that he was there if Harry got upset, which, he was sure, no one could blame him for.

The werewolf's hands were twisting at the seams of his robes and his shoulders were hunched over.

He said something so quietly that Severus couldn't even hear the tone.  And then Harry started shouting, and before the words even registered, he found himself running to his side.

"You **helped** me, Remus!  God, stop blaming yourself!  **I** never saw it coming!  Does that mean that **I'm** partly to blame?"

At that Lupin's head snapped up and he looked truly shocked and repentant.

"Merlin, no, Harry!  No, you must never say that!"

"Then neither should you!"

Severus had reached Harry's bedside now, and saw the tears threatening to escape the emerald eyes, though he couldn't tell if they were tears of anger, frustration, hurt, or something unidentifiable.

"Harry," he almost-whispered, trying not to startle him with an arrival the young man almost certainly hadn't noticed.

Harry turned his head towards him and saw Severus' concerned face.

And the tears started to escape.

Severus wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, but Harry hadn't asked him to, so he didn't.

Harry blinked the tears away, rubbing with his sleeve where they had already escaped and were starting to run down his cheeks.

Severus watched Harry take a deep breath and then turn back to Lupin, standing guard by his lover's bed, following the scene with his eyes and not moving any other part of himself.

When he spoke, his voice was a little wobbly and unsure.

"Remus, I'm going to be fine.  Really.  And you have to believe that it wasn't your fault.  It was no one's but his.  I just, I need a little time to get my head around the situation, but physically I'm fine now.  The rest will come later, but it **will** come."

Severus watched Harry bow his head, look at his hands – clasped once more on his lap – and begin to twist them about.

Glancing up, he saw Lupin standing there, obviously shaken and more than a little upset, but there was something else in those eyes.  It looked eerily like pride and little bit of relief.

"You're right, Harry.  And I'm sorry.  I'm going to go now, give you some time alone with Severus.  I'll see you some time later."

Harry nodded, still not taking his eyes away from his hands, and Severus looked at the werewolf and nodded his thanks for the privacy.

When they were alone and Harry finally looked up, suddenly Severus understood Lupin's pride and relief.

Harry hadn't changed, at least not in any way detrimental to his personality.  He was still the headstrong, sometimes over-emotional, always doing before thinking, Gryffindor with Slytherin roots.  And he was still the young man who thought of everyone before himself.

He was still the person that he had fallen in love with, still his baby, still his lover in the truest sense.

He was still Harry Potter, and that hadn't changed at all.

Severus had been afraid that it might have turned Harry into a palimpsest of himself, but it seemed instead that it had just added a new chapter onto his life.

He realised that Harry was staring at him staring at Harry and smiled.

"I'm proud of you, baby."

Harry held out his arms, smiling himself, a bright tinge to his cheeks.

Severus slipped into the gap and held his lover close.

"I mean it, you know," he whispered, and he felt Harry tighten his grip, and sigh, happily this time.

There was that calm he had been looking for.

**A/N – Do you see now why I'm not too happy with it?**

**Well, any suggestions, review with them.**

**As to my latest reviews, Glomps and thanks go to:**

Minerva-Severus-Dumbledor – Thank you very much indeed! :)

Barbarataku – WOW!  You didn't want me to get pissed off?  I think the opposite happened!  I'm so flattered that I could evoke so much emotion in someone!  I think I agree with you in that this is my stress-busting story.  It helps relieve the tension and stresses of, you know, The Real World (dah, dah, dahh!).  Anyway, thanks again, and wow a couple more times.  You made my day when I read your review!

Caster – Muchas gracias!

Sirius's Secret Lover – Sirius' Secret Widow, should I say?  I really liked that.  Anyway, thanks!  I'll try to write more ASAP.  :)

The Goddess Artemis – Yes, the wonky was just… something I was inclined to add.  It was how I saw it in my head.  P.S - I loved your Snow White tale.  I'm having serious thoughts about taking up your challenge.

Witchblade Hell – As you can see, not the last chapter.  No, there's going to be quite a bit more to come.  Don't try to ask me much about it, though…  er… anywho, Nice!Snape, yes, he's entirely OOC, but not only has his lover been attacked and raped, but he's under my spell, so he'll bloody well do as I say, and if that's mooning over Harry and calling him baby, well he shall do that…. Maybe I should go lie down?  Thanks again for reviewing!

Gryvon – I look forward to you looking forward to more!

SiriusBlack44 – There will be even more Remus soon.  I was debating the Remus part before, thinking of maybe putting his reactions in via another character, but your review encouraged me to keep on the track I was writing, so thanks!  I think.  Well, we'll soon find out.

Anyone else?

I'm not sure, but if you reviewed, consider yourself glomped and thanked!

R&R,

Xox,

Mia:)****


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